before and after

Сегодня мы сделаем makeover одному из сочинений наших IELTS учеников.

Мы возьмем настоящее сочинение и улучшим его (с разрешения автора, конечно же!).

Тема сочинения

Some people think that human history has been a journey from ignorance to knowledge. Others argue that this underestimates the achievements of ancient cultures, and overvalues our achievements.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Первоначальная версия (до улучшения)

Scientific development has always been part and parcel of any society. The statement that ancient civilization had only rudimental knowledge is a controversial topic. Both sides of this argument will be examined in this essay before a reasoned conclusion is drawn.

First and foremost, it has to be said that we live in a heyday of scientific development today. Take informational technology for instance, where the modern opportunities it can provide are simply mind-blowing. Indeed, it has opened up avenues for accelerating all spheres of our life which people would most certainly have not otherwise had. For example, communication is instantaneous and information gathering using the Internet is relatively effortless.  It also ought to be mentioned that this technology has been and continues to develop to this day. Thus, there is merit to the argument that the development of science and the accumulation of knowledge is a linear process and ancient knowledge seems fundamental according to this logic.

On the other hand, it should be noted that modern science cannot explain some ancient achievements. The Egypt pyramids are a vivid illustration of this. It could be stressed that modern science and level of technology is not able to put up such imposing constructions. Furthermore, there is some evidence which shows that ancient civilizations used to be more advanced than modern ones; they had rockets, electrical energy and they could even travel in space. Had modern science not faced such facts, scientists could have claimed that ancient knowledge was primitive. That is why, some scientists pursue scientific investigations to reveal secrets of ancient technology.

To sum up, after analyzing both sides it has to be concluded that modern science should not underestimate the knowledge of our ancestors or predecessors. It is predicted that if modern science reopened the ancient knowledge it would act as a catalyst for brand new inventions.

Улучшеная версия

One can often hear a thought that our ancestors had a limited understanding of the world compared to people today. While our modern societies have indeed excelled in technology and science, ancient civilizations achieved remarkable progress in their own ways, and therefore it would be incorrect to view human development as linear.

Many people believe that the biggest achievement of people is science and technology, and that the development of these areas happened gradually. One commonly cited example is information technology that has transformed our lives in many domains, such as work, study, keeping in touch with friends and relatives. Thanks to information technology, we can now hear and see each other, exchange documents, photographs and other media even when we are in different locations. It has made our lives more efficient, and has allowed us to redefine our work and free time.

At the same time, some ancient civilizations were so advanced that even our modern science cannot explain their achievements .The Egyptian pyramids are a vivid illustration of this. Modern science is still unable to recreate such imposing constructions. Furthermore, there are other areas, like art and philosophy, where ancient civilizations made remarkable progress, and in some cases can be said to be more advanced than ours.

To sum up, even though we live in the times of remarkable technological breakthroughs, there are many lessons that modern societies can learn from ancient civilizations. It would be a bit mistake to view human development as a linear process, and dismiss great achievements of our forefathers.

Комментарии к сочинению

Полезная рассылка от Ольги Козарь

* indicates required

Записаться на занятия